This morning when I was bringing my kids for Caitlyn's regular check up, our neighbour (a couple from Hong Kong who met in the states in college) two houses left was teaching her four year old son Adsel how he shouldn't run out when the ground's wet, 'cause you might slip and fall and hurt yourself'. I was quite surprised when I heard this - the truth was she sounded like a preacher, you know, those kinds that talk endlessly for an hour with not even a bit of humour.
So I didn't want to interfere, I mean, that's not any of my business cause that's between her and husband's beliefs and decisions on how to raise their child. I asked Xavier to sit on the porch while I fasten his sister on the car seat, as we did everytime, and he did. I was on the buckle when I heard Tessa (that's our neighbour) suddenly yelled 'see I told you! you still ran!', and Adsel was crying. Well, in my part to be a good and helpful neighbour (right) I buckled the sleeping Caitlyn on her seat, locked the door, opened a bit of her window, and then held Xavier's hand as we walked two houses to Tessa's. All the way he was a good boy - he kept practising to say 'run' but his tongue wouldn't let him, it was just 'lun, lun, lun' and I was laughing, I just can't help it sometimes, he's a good and cute boy. Just like his father.
Anyway, so we reached there in a while (I mean, it was just two houses) and Tessa and Adsel were on the porch, Adsel wasn't crying so badly, but he had a scrape and some scratches on his knee. I called hi and Tessa did the same, and asked me to come in. So I pushed open her gate as Xavier half ran half staggered in, because he just loved Adsel so much he wouldn't want to come home when I needed Tessa to babysit. Tessa was all anxious when she saw Xavier running, and asked him to stop. But my sixteen month old didn't seem to want to listen, he slipped and fell on his butt in a puddle. Seeing this Tessa walked (RAN) over and picked him up, and I was just standing there watching. She was so tensed, asking Xavier if he was okay, and then hugging him. But my boy didn't cry, he never gets cranky unless he's sleepy or hungry.
So Xavier just turned and looked around for me. He didn't cry, he didn't yell, he didn't crank up. He just reached his arms out towards my direction. I took his cue and walked over, taking him into my arms, where he buried his face in my shirt and listened to me as I was telling him the only line I was going to use to fuss over him.
'It hurts does it?'
He nodded. I rested my head on his and held him close.
'Good, so you won't do it again, will you?'
He shook his head.
'Now that's a good boy. Do you want to wait in the car?'
He shook his head again.
'No? You wanna wait here with me?'
He nodded.
'Okay,' and then I kissed my sixteen month old on the cheek.
Tessa by this time was looking at me like I was a bit stupid or something. Like the truth somehow needed to sink in, like I needed my brain to repeat the sentence, my son just fell down on his butt into a puddle of water, and I need to fuss over him asking him every single question I can ask about. Well, I didn't really say anything on that. All I went was;
'Adsel fell on the same puddle?'
She nodded, and then suddenly remembered that her son was on the bench on the porch. Who thankfully stopped crying when Xavier fell. So we both walked over to Adsel, where Tessa sat with him and I carried Xavier who was still burying his face in my shirt. He always does that whenever he falls but he knows he doesn't want to cry.
'Hello, Adsel,' I said, trying to get Xavier to get up, and he did. The two of them smiled and Adsel said hello back.
"Are you feeling better now?'
He said yes.
'Don't do that again, okay? Your mommy's gonna be so worried about you,'
He said okay Mrs Colemann. (an address which somehow he doesn't want to change)
I told him to call me Monica.
He said okay aunt Monica.
(HAHAHAHAHAHA I AM AN AUNTIE)
Somehow children like the pinky thing, and he offered his pinky, so I did. Tessa said she'd better clean up the scraped-scratched wound (which I don't really consider a wound) and invited me in for coffee. I told her I have Caitlyn in the car and I had to go. Then I carried a head-burying Xavier into the car where I checked his butt and spine for major injuries.
They say that anyone can be a mother; it just takes something else to be a mom. And a mom has to learn how to let her children learn. For me, I let my children learn by falling. I don't want to give a five-hour lecture, cause I've been there and I know how irritating that is, to have a bee buzzing around your ear. Theory never works as well as practical, and so I let my children learn by letting them experiencing. I let Xavier fall, if he doesn't want to listen to me. I let Caitlyn roll everywhere on the bed, although yes of course I pick her up when she's on the edge but I let her go close to it, I don't ask her to stay in one position and not move cause it's the safest. I let Xavier mess around with the chocolate and the clothes, and the dinner, and the salad, because I want him to learn by making mistakes, I want him to learn that everything he does has its consequences.
Now I might help him to clean it up, but I ask him to do the things that he can manage. When he's older, I'll let him clean it up by himself.
I love my kids, and that's why I don't keep them in the safest position. Because it isn't like that in the world, you can't be safe all the time, you need to learn. You need to learn how to get yourself back to the safest position, like how Caitlyn can roll around and round and round and round (she LOVES rolling) and ends up in the middle of the bed.
They say, you can catch a fish for a starving man but you can choose to teach the man how to fish. To be a mom - you need to be that person who teaches your child how to fish, because you can't provide him all his life, nor keep him safe.
